As I come up with the title, I don't know if I am necessarily really needing to confess or apologize for my lack of writing. I initially warned anyone reading this (does anyone in fact read this?) that I would not consistently write. However, I do enjoy having this opportunity to put thoughts to paper (blog).
This new year has brought about a new me...or one I'm trying to be. Eric and I spent much of Eric's block leave at home, spending time just relaxing or catching up on things ignored or (in my case, avoided) for months. We traveled with the little man to Brigantine, NJ for a much needed weekend away before getting back into the swing of things. Since then, I have recognized my choice of living has not been one I am most proud of.
My life consists of me, my husband and my son. Doesn't sound too bad, right? My focus, however, has not been as adequately been on my service to them or to God as it should be. I am shamed to admit it, and thankfully shamed enough to do something about it. This life is not mine, and I have selfishly made it all about me. Praise the Lord, times are changing, and so are my thoughts and actions and, well, life.
Getting involved with church has terrified me for years- ever since getting married and having to leave a place that i truly called home. I was finally convinced last fall to join a mothers group, and am now again stepping out and joining a women's Bible study. In the midst of all this, I always knew I would join things, but wouldn't worry so much about the getting involved and known thing. It's now changing, and I find myself excited, joyous, more at peace. I crave your prayers on this, because it is so hard for me to step out and reach rather than allow others to do the work for me. It was so easy for so long, but being in new and different places demands new and different actions. I never took that to heart, but now I am and I truly am seeing God working already.
Lord willing, my heart, my life and actions will still be focused on my family, but with the sole purpose of glorifying God through it all. Will all of you, what, 2,3 readers of mine take a moment and think through your actions of late and see who they were made for? Why they were made?
I am exhausted just writing these words. I also recognize my need for some more alone time without a computer and with my God. May my son continue to sleep :)
Oh, in other news, we're having a baby...but not just any baby, another boy. No, we don't have a name- Aidan wasn't Aidan until the week he was due. We'll be lucky if we can agree on a name sooner than that! Papa and big brother are very happy...Mama is just plain exhausted :) And craving kit kats. Anyone wants to send some love my way, make sure it includes those please!
I send my love to you, but most importantly, my renewed joy.